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Fatherlessness and Trauma: Unseen Wounds, Unspoken Stories

Teen Fatherless Boy at Camp

“Trauma” has certainly become a buzzword in our day and time, justifiably so.  Because it is so ubiquitous, we have a sense of what it means, but may not fully grasp the true essence of it. My favorite definition comes from Peter Levin, PhD.  He explains that trauma happens when we experience situations in which we are both fearful and helpless. If we have fear, but can do something about our situation or have someone present to help comfort us, clinical trauma will not result. It is the sense of being terrified and helpless, that causes clinical trauma. This results in damage to our whole being; our brain development, our physiological immune system and health, brain chemistry, ability to regulate our emotions, our capacity to trust others and build social relationships, and our perceptions-the very lenses through which we see and understand the world. Body, soul, and spirit are impacted. The good news is that corrective experiences can heal all these areas and help to rewire the brain.

 

Trauma can happen at any time in one’s life, but those that occur in the first three years are particularly damaging as this is when the infrastructure of our brains and bodies is being developed.

 

Fatherlessness is a unique, misunderstood, and minimized form of trauma. It impacts sons and daughters in both similar and unique ways. The depth of impact is best described in the words of a reformed gang leader I had the privilege of working with. He told me;


John Turnipseed

 “I didn’t know how to be a man. I wanted so desperately to belong to someone, I jumped at the first people who embraced me…the gangs. They taught me how to be a man and how to treat women, the gang way. I learned that because I was on my own, it was dog eat dog. Hurt others or be hurt. Only when people fear you, do you get respect. As I became a pimp, I became really good at identifying the vulnerable girls to trap in this lifestyle. We never touched a girl who had a father.” John Turnipseed

 

He spent the remainder of his redeemed life trying to build up fathers and get them back in the home. Boys need fathers to teach them how to be a man, give them structure and accountability, and teach them their value. Girls need fathers to protect them, cherish them, teach them their value and how to demand respect from males. This is not to minimize the significant and irreplaceable role of mothers, only to identify that fathers also have a significant and irreplaceable role. And we cannot ignore the impact this has on youth being able to receive the good news and believe in a good and loving heavenly Father.

 

Fatherlessness can be directly correlated with a plethora of behavioral, emotional, mental, social and academic problems. For those who do not have fathers, the antidote is surrogates standing in for them, giving these youth corrective experiences and showing them what a good father looks like. Then following that up with the Word of God and the promises of their heavenly Father especially for them. This is exactly what Psalm68five does. The weeks they spend with these youth will be life changing, having ripple effects to their families and communities. Only in heaven will we see the full impact and the number of John Turnipseeds rescued.


Written By:

Melinda Cathey MA. TBRI Educator. Global Orphan Consultant. Co-Founder - The Harbor. Orphanos.org

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